its all on your head

approximately 25 years of voluntary hat trying on is enough.
it has just occurred to me that this is a potentially life altering experience.

sitting in front of one of those canadiana scratchy wool toque kiosks and the fourth person has just picked up the (evidently popular) navahoe patterned hat and put it on their head.

there is something especially intimate about the hat trying on experience that gloves and shoes test runs do not provide (and i am not referring to the unique kinds of fun that a head can leave behind - dandruff, lice, and other things miniscule and near undetectable..)

i am thinking about the hair.
a single straggler left behind for the next unsuspecting wearer.
each one of those last three people may have walked away with a strand of that first womans locks.
and its now a part of their life.
coincidentally this new addition came into their life at the same time that they had been entertaining some suspicions that their partner was sneaking around. one misplaced hair in this kind of testy water could lead to potential disaster.

how does one explain a hair they have never seen other than complete denial?
and how does one, already suspicious of infidelity, take blatant denial as a valid response to a straggling ringlet of gorgeous red hair on the floor of the closet or lying on a bedroom pillow?

all of this could be avoided by simply avoiding the hat in the first place.
so in the interest of keeping thing uncomplicated.
i don't try on hats anymore.

that or i give up monogamy....
stay tuned there.

the best things

it has come to my attention that we are getting really good at getting really good at things. as we have exhausted nearly all of the options in terms of genuine invention completely original design* (*i am referring more to goods and services versus scientific invention - a la nanotube space elevators, etc.) efforts are seemingly focused on honing and perfecting the goods and services we currently have access to.

maybe the age of genuine and original invention is coming to a close?

this consistent focus on enhancement and improvement in design and experience has led to unequivocal perfection in some product categories.
as i notice these perfections more and more i have decided to keep an ongoing list.

i will call it the best things.

to give you an understanding of the parameters of the list, let me refer to the first time i really noticed this evolution in the quality of goods.
the release of 5 gum.
gum that does not lose its flavour.
gum that the chewer tires of well before the flavour dissipates.
my first piece ejected into the poubelle long not because it had adopted the flavour of my tongue, or the texture and density of plastercine. only because my jaw was sore.
it was obvious: we have figured out gum. this works best. its done.
trident, excel, etc, it was fun, but now you have only two options:
either copy this exactly or get out of the game.

the ipod is also a pretty good example. have you ever heard anyone say "i really got get my hands on an iriver 250mbg mp3 player" no. because we all recognize that apple has perfected the user operated mp3 player experience. other players try as they may, but its a losing battle.
i will not put the ipod on the best list, because it goes without saying (and for some reason their competition isnt really getting the message).
the point of the best list is to keep you up to date about whats the best and what you might already have thats not the best and what you should upgrade to. it should also serve as a point of reference for owners of companies like iriver and Juicy Fruit that their jig is up.

this will be an ongoing bobasaccord posting - and i looking for input here - so please submit your thoughts on goods and services that we have mastered

GUM - five - WAVE flavour
BREAD - dynamite baguette - OTTAWA
APPLES - honeycrisp

welcome to 2010

oh yes, and happy new years tutts.
its going to be a blowout for the bobasaccord.
so hold on to your bandhas.

its effin cold

it is possible that as canucks we have a seasonal cycle of tolerance to the vulgarity of the word fuck?
it has come to my attention that as the mercury drops it seems so do our sensitivities around its peppering into everyday discourse.

what other word would so accurately expresses the sentiment of living in these months?
its almost as if we are saying it to ourselves "idiot! why do you live here??!!"

as i rounded a downtown corner the other day i was met by more than just the usual faceful of freezing wind and airborne snow pellets but also a man who was surprised to meet my eyes whilst exclaiming "FUCK" followed by a muttering of "its so fucking cold" as he turned the corner. i simply nodded in agreement and continued.
it wasn't even noon and that was the third time i heard a stranger swear.

as i walked away the irony of our polite reputation occurred to me.
but the reality is that its not that we are rude.
and the term is not being used maliciously or with cruel intention but simply to recognize that everything is harder when it is minus 20.
life is significantly harder when it is minus twenty.
and we all know it.
perhaps that is why we let the occasional effbomb slide by without the scowl it would usually trigger in warmer months.
either way.
i say use it sparingly, but when you use it, do it like you mean it.
and you will likely be forgiven.
until the snow melts.